Never a dull moment....

When you have bipolar disorder there is never a dull moment. One day up next day down,there is no way to approach the day in the same way. The very nature of the illness is a mind in flux. So how do you face the day if you are feeling manic. What if you are too depressed to even get out of bed?

One way I have learned to balance out my life is to find constants that anchor the soul. Whether it be love of family, a partner or the quest for faith, you have to find something to live for. In this way , whether up or down you can cling to a very real thing and allow it to balance you.

Go to your go tos. When you are manic,  contact a health care provider. Have a support team in place that can tell when you are not yourself. They can help you get the assistance you need. The same goes for depression. Seek help in all circumstances! Don't let things get out of control! Know yourself and your illness. Catch depression before you can't get out of bed. Recognize the signs of mania. In all this. have a good relationship with a psychiatrist and a therapist.
They will help you navigate the waters of bipolar and lead you to stability.

When I have experienced mania, I have been so out of it that I don't remember half of the things I did or said. After the episode there was much damage control. Apologies  needed to be made, outrageous bills to be paid and time lost, made up for. Once stable it behooves me to live one day at a time. I crave stability. Mania is too messy. It is so important to maintain this attitude. Stability is always the goal. Don't give in to the lure of mania. The highs, the grandiosity and the euphoria of the disease. Face each day dedicated to reality.

Depression is literally a killer. It saps you of the will to live and the motivation to make life better so you can live. Again take one day at a time. Seek balance. Take the time to do the things everyone is telling you to do. Eat right, exercise and above all take your meds. Talk to a professional. They can help put you experience in perspective. Don't face the day overwhelmed because you have not reached out for help . Don't go it alone.

The keys to facing a life with a chronic disease is to take it one day at a time and use every resource you have to achieve the goal of stability. Take each day as it comes and try to summon the courage to fight the illness. It is worth it to fight for your life ,it is worth it to live your life free from the ravages of bipolar disorder. Take the chance to listen to advice to help you "get there".

I don't remember my initial reaction to being diagnosed bipolar. I was a young 21 year old and for the most part felt invincible. I don't remember being shocked when the doctor told me I was manic-depressive and would have to take medication for the rest of my life. The chronicity of the illness didn't faze me.
I had not yet experienced it's devastating effects I was a young 21 and I felt I could fight the illness. But as the years passed and hospitalizations increased it dawned on me that I was perhaps fighting a formidable foe, and some battles would be lost.

I was hospitalized after the birth of both my sons. There were so many subsequent hospitalizations that I have lost count. The most recent was the worst though. I was in the hospital for 9 months and don't really remember the first 3. I do remember the last 6 months of my stay.Most of my memories are horrific. Mental hospitals are not the ideal places to heal a broken mind, and so I suffered. I remember crying myself to sleep as I listened to the screaming on the ward, and the sound of orderlies trying to get patients under control. It was a nightmare. Nothing however could prepare me for what would assail me when I was released.

I was released to a board and care in Long Beach. It was a filthy pit. My room was disgusting, filled with dirt and the smell of rot. The people there were rotting as well. Most were in a stupor and those that were aware of their surroundings spent their time asking for and smoking cigarettes. I saw many clients during med time simply spitting the meds out .In no time at all the police would be summoned  to hospitalize the client under a 51-50.

I soon left that board and care and lived in several others until moving to my present location. I was miserable. At least my present circumstances don't assault the senses . It is clean and I have my own room. I have a television and internet. It is still a long way from where I want to go but it is a step in the right direction.

My reaction now when I think about bipolar disorder is a mixture of fear and loathing. I now know what a devastating impact it can have on a life and I hate the fact that I have it. I am afraid that I will have another episode. I am afraid of what is going to happen to me. Everyday I struggle to hang in there, but I am getting tired. The stigma "out there" is nothing compared to the self stigma that attacks my self esteem. I am no longer cavalier in my attitude towards mental illness. It has kicked my ass many times and will probably kick it again before all is said and done. The best I can do is to fight it on every front and above all take my meds. Hopefully my best will be good enough.