Mental illness and me.

Long time no write! Sadly one of the symptoms of depression is isolation. When I am depressed I don't want to interact, even in writing. I am realizing though, that that is a shame, because people want to see the dark side as well as the light. So here goes, a blog about my latest bout with mental illness.

Mental illness sneaks up on me. I start feeling a "little off' and then progressively get worse and worse. I lose my motivation, and functioning on the basic levels becomes a chore. I don't sleep the day away but instead spend my nights in an agitated state, Sleep becomes fit full, and my mind dwells on my worries. The thing is , I should know better by now the symptoms and warning signs of it "coming on"!

I have come to the conclusion that depression is sneaky and powerful. If I wasn't on medication I assume it would be worse. So I thank God for the pills. Along with medication, I need to do everything right in my battle with depression. I need to see a psychiatrist, a psychologist, attend a support group, eat right, make lifestyle changes, the list goes on and on. What I resent most is that during a depressive episode my ability to follow through on these things is limited at best. I just want it all to go away with little effort on my part. I know it's a child's response but there it is nonetheless.

So I am starting all over again in my dealings with bipolar disorder. I realize the changes I need to make and am willing to do the hard work to make it happen. Making the effort is the hard part. I have read that you should do the action and the feelings will follow. So, I am going to try that method.

It would help if I had a good therapist. My most recent spent most of our sessions talking about himself and I left most meetings frustrated. So I am seeking a experienced therapist who will help me face the tough stuff.

The most difficult aspects of depression are the feelings of helplessness and hopelessness. My thoughts turn dark and full of worry and there is seemingly no light at the end of the tunnel. I seriously don't know why I continue to fight the effects of my mental illness. Maybe I am stubborn but mostly I am unwilling to think or act on the alternative of quitting.

Maybe this blog will reach someone who is struggling with the dark side of mental illness. I would advise them to be honest with anyone in their lives will listen about the severity of your state of mind. Then, seek help. NOW! Don't let things progress and be proactive even if you are not motivated to do so.

I am not ashamed to be mentally ill. What does cause me shame is when I fail to address the issues that confront me. I cannot let this illness determine course of my life. It is my hope that I can share my struggles and pe
rhaps touch the lives of others. Above all I hope...