You are not alone!

6 years ago I had a major break. I had a bipolar episode that landed me in a mental hospital for 9 months. I lost time, I lost my mind. Ever since it has been a battle to regain my sense of self worth, my confidence, my trust in myself. It is horrifying to lose all that but most upsetting to lose the belief that you can hold together through the ups and downs of life. I had come to the conclusion that I could not rely on my mind to get me through the vicissitudes of living a bipolar life. I crumbled. I succumbed to the weight of my bipolar symptoms and gave into the belief that my life was not worth living in the state I was in. I was devastated, emotionally , physically and spiritually. I had one thing going for me, I had people in my life that saw me through my darkest hours and waited for me in the light. They were beacons of hope. They patiently guided me  through the darkness and waited for me while I stumbled my way back to reality.

 I realized that though I felt shattered there was a life worth fighting for if I could only face my mental illness and accept my vulnerability to it's devastating blows. I didn't come to these conclusions entirely on my own. The people in my life had to point them out to me. Therapist challenged me to see myself in a more compassionate light. The love and care of those closest to me helped me come out of severe depression. Their counsel helped me navigate the churning waters of a recovery process.

I make no apologies that I relied so much on the hope and strength of loved ones in order to recover from my episode. I don't consider myself weak or needy, just a person in the throes of something too big to handle on my own. Bipolar disorder is a beast, and it cannot be slayed by the power of one. It takes a concerted effort of many to manage it. I rely on a psychiatrist, a psychologist , family, friends and a community of peers who also live with a diagnosis, to survive.

I am no longer fragile but I am still in recovery. It is evident to me that there is still a lot of work to be done to attain a life that is meaningful and stable. Recovery for me has been a steady climb into wellness. Slow but sure. There are still deficits though. I still find it difficult to concentrate. My mind gets stuck in a whirl of emotions when I am participating in the simplest of interactions. I feel vulnerable in relationships due to the shame I sometimes feel because I am diagnosed with an illness that is so stigmatized.

It is through this blog and on my facebook page, Donnas' Bipolar Buzz, that I wish to reach people who are struggling with the same feelings surrounding their mental illness. I feel less alone knowing that there are others out there who are fighting the same battles. I want to encourage those suffering that they are not alone in their pain. In forming a life that matters,

I want to reach out to those lost in the storm of bipolar disorder. I believe that there is hope for recovery and it is my sincere desire to let them know they are not alone in fighting the good fight!