For the boys...

I used to dread Mother's day. For a major portion of my kid's lives I did not have custody of my children and parented from afar. I was diagnosed with a mental illness way before they were born but was extremely ill during my first borns early years and the first two years of my second son's life. My ex and I eventually divorced and he got physical custody. I kept involved in their lives by phone calls, visitations and family events. But it was never enough. I was consumed by grief at the loss and for many years celebrated Mother's day in a funk.


Now that my boys are grown they have become a part of my life in a big way. My oldest Jake is recently married and now I have a daughter in law, Julie! Danny is in college and works and is involved with Young Life. I talk to them frequently, they both live close, and I see them often. The days of arranging to see them are over and I have entered a new phase in my life with them. The grief that so often accompanied my dealings with them is gone and has been replaced by an excitement of things that are happening and hope for the future. Mother's day this year is going to be sweet!


I am so grateful for the way things have turned out. For many years I didn't think I could endure the separations, the missed events and opportunities to be with my sons. I hung in there for dear life and have come to this place as a result of just waiting things out. Time really does heal wounds! It took the boys becoming adults with their own cars, decisions and agendas to come to our current relationships. I am so glad I didn't give up and saw things through to this point!

Danny, Julie and Jake!

Now that I am stable, I look forward to my future with the boys. It is clear to me now that my mental illness does not have to dominate my relationship with them. I believe , in fact, that they are better men because of having a Mom who lives with a disorder. They are compassionate, loving and caring in their dealings with others and very supportive of my journey. I couldn't ask for a better outcome to a story that was fraught with pain and difficulty.


I am so grateful this Mother's day for my children and my own Mom, but I know this day can be difficult and painful for many. I am fortunate to still have my Mom, but others have lost theirs due to illness, emotional distance or even mental illness. I hope that if you are reading this and live with a mental illness and are a Mom, you will find help and healing. If you are struggling this Mother's day, you can contact NAMI and find support groups where you can find understanding and support. If you need to talk to someone you can also call a NAMI warm line. Also, you can contact the National Suicide Prevention hotline at 1-800-273-8255.  You will find help if you are suicidal or in emotional distress. Please reach out and get the help you need!