Freedom sweet freedom!!!

I know what it's like to lose your freedom. 8 years ago I had a bipolar episode and landed in a long term hospital setting. I was in a locked unit and only got to go outside during smoke breaks. The area we were allowed to go out to was a wired in lot that was bleak and imposing. Once inside again, the windows were plexiglass and the halls dark and ugly. It was hell. The only escape was to get well and I had to wait to let the medication do it's job and bring me back to sanity. I have never quite gotten over that experience and remember vividly how confinining and hopeless the situation was.

Yes it's been 8 years since that 9 month hospitalization and I can honestly say it made me appreciate many things. On the Fourth of July I am so grateful that I live in a land where care is available and I am free to pursue my goals and dreams. We are so fortunate in our country to have access to care and benefit from the advances in psychiatry. It makes me angry when the ant-psychiatry crowd rail against "the system". Quite frankly they wouldn't have a voice in any other country and would suffer under any other system.

Poolside July Fourth musings!!

Freedom is a precious thing though, and it brings with it the onus of responsibility. I am at a point in my wellness journey where I am evaluating my progress and am accessing where it is I want to go. I have a sacred duty in my opinion to live out my life in a  meaningful and productive way. The ability to even consider different paths is a blessing of freedom. There are no limits imposed on me and I am free to choose the direction I want to take. I am cognisant that it is up to my choosing how things will go. I can choose fear and stagnation or courage and action. No one else is responsible for my happiness and I am free to pursue happiness because of the sacrifice of so many.

So today, like so many days since my episode, I am thankful for the opportunity to determine my course. Blessed with freedom, I would hope that others reading this who are affected by mental illness would recognize the advantages of living in a country such as ours. There are so many services and organizations willing to help, and it is incumbent upon us to utilize them. Do so!!! Happy Fourth!

Ready, set , goals!!!!

Chronic, incurable, lifelong. These words unfortunately accompany a diagnosis of bipolar disorder. When I was first diagnosed at 21 I was told I would have to take medication for the rest of my life and that it would be forever altered by mental illness. Well, I have and it has. Lately however, I have begun to question some of the beliefs about my mental illness.

Above all else I question whether a life has to be dominated by the symptoms of mental illness. Can't we move beyond the mere management of symptoms and onto recovery and wellness? I believe the answer is a resounding yes. Yes, symptom recognition and management are important but once achieved, shouldn't one take the next step and figure out how to live a meaningful productive life? Yes again.

Perhaps the most important factor in my recovery from my last episode, (a 9 month hospitalization),
has been my ability to set and achieve goals. My methods are simple and I think anyone challenged by a mental illness can use them to further their journey.

First, identify your areas of interest. Life without a purpose is by nature depressing and unfulfilling.
Identify the areas you want to attend to and name your passions. Clarify where it is you want to go. After you do this you can set goals.

When I set goals I break things down into categories. My life consists of physical, emotional , spiritual, financial and pleasurable components. I set goals in each category that are long and short term and attainable.

Perhaps the most important part of goal setting is assessment. Set a timeframe for reviewing your goals and see how far you have come and where you need to improve. Reaccess, regroup, and redraw your goals then move forward. If you are struggling with a mental illness perhaps your perspective or judgement is skewed and you need help in this process. That is perfectly okay. A second set of eyes is always a good thing.

Accept setbacks when You are reaching for growth and following your passions. Perhaps you will experience symptoms of your disorder or just life stuff will get in the way of achieving your goals. The key is to not give up. Slow and steady wins the race!

Go for it! I totally believe that a person living with a mental illness can thrive, set a path for the future and attain it. We who experience disorders of the mind, need to be hypervigilant about our path though. You cannot get anywhere if you are a victim of continued symptoms. I would argue that in spite of how you feel you should press on. Get your illness under control with the help of a psychiatrist, take your meds, see a therapist , join a support group, move forward!! Don't settle!!

Gimme a break!

I've written before on vacation, but this time I wanted to take a moment and explain how important taking a break from mental illness is. Having a diagnosis such as bipolar disorder can be all consuming if you let it. I believe however that you can come to a place where you can leave it behind for a while and then return to your struggle with renewed vigor.


La Quinta California is definitely my happy place. It's where I am taking my break and I love it. There is something about the desert that puts my soul at peace. The heat doesn't even bother me. Due to the generosity of my best friend, I get to stay and do pool time and enjoy the sunshine. I literally leave my life behind in an effort to rejuvenate. And that is very okay!

One thing about taking a break that is very important is to have things in order before you do so. Part of my life is very regimented. I see a psychiatrist, get a shot of Abilify every two months and faithfully take my medication. I also am in therapy to address the issues of living with a mental illness as well as dealing with "life stuff". My support system is intact and my job secure. With all this in place, I am free to go on a vacation and not return to unfinished business. It's the way I have operated for the last 8 years in recovery and it has worked.


I wouldn't say mental illness is the dominant feature of my life. Every once in a while I do feel sorry for myself, but then do a reality check and recognize how grateful I am for all the good in my life. I don't wake up in the morning and think, Oh god, another day with bipolar disorder!" I face each day as it comes and am learning to take it one moment at a time. Although I am a consummate worrier, I am try to let that go and be more faith oriented. All in all I would say I my life is blessed and I am fortunate to have recovered and be on the path to wellness.


The lesson of the desert is that beautiful things can be found in bleak places. That is the essence of my journey with mental illness. The road to wellness has been one of hard work and some setbacks but I can honestly say I am well, and while on vacation I can simply enjoy the reward of all that hard work. Pass the sunscreen!!