What's so special abut 2015?

New years this year is very special to me. The past 5 years have been so difficult that a new year is very welcome. 5 years ago I was hospitalized with acute mania. I spent 9 months in 3 different hospitals. At first I didn't remember much of the first 6 months, but it has come back to me in bits and pieces. I remember being terrified. I remember New Years in the hospital. A nurse tried to get me to participate in the New Years celebration and I refused. I couldn't fathom being happy and could only think one thought,"How in the hell am I going to get out of here!"

It's a terrible thing to try to prove you are sane. You don't want to be too demanding and be perceived as aggressive . At the same time you don't want to be too passive and be thought depressed. Some how I impressed the psychiatric team that I was "good to go", and was released on June 21,2011. I remember the first New Years after the hospital. My resolve was to simply not go back again. What I didn't know is that the next 4 years would so difficult.

I never went back into the hospital but my living arrangements changed 4 times in 3 years. I went from one board and care to another. I finally arrived at a independent living situation with 15 other women. We shared 2 bathrooms and one very small kitchen. I payed 50 more dollars a month to include food in my rent. I had two roommates. It was a nightmare. My roommates were abusive and stole from me. I lost hope. It took a year of waiting until an opening into an apartment of my own arrived. Now I live in my own space and am deeply grateful for my circumstances.

I have been living in my own apartment for 8 months now. I can't get over how much better I am doing. I have a job and am aiming at getting a position as a peer support specialist. I will be helping those who like myself are mentally ill and trying to improve their life circumstances. I am getting to the point where I can see a future, and am getting excited about the prospects for a new career and outlook. In the meantime I am doing what I need to do to stay stable. It has been a long road, but I can honestly say that I think I have been through t
he worst of it and have come out on the other side. I am looking forward to a year of moving forward and I hope the same for anyone reading this blog! Happy New Year!