Back to being me.

I am recovering froma recent psychotic episode. Not the sort of thing you want to broadcast or even share with friends and family.However the severity of the episode made it all too apparent that I had gone mad,there was no denying it and no  softening the reality of the 8 months I spent hospitalized.I was gone, far gone.Mercifully Manic Depression does have a component of memory loss,so some of my experiences simply did not register.Afterward, Friends and family would tell me what I did or said , only to be met with a blank stare,or a silence over the phone.I do recall some things,mostly the terrifying feeling that I had lost my mind. I couldn't make sense of the simplest things. At one point I would recite my name , my family members names and frinds names to remind myself who I was.It was the scariest time of my life, and altough I am in recovery it will forever haunt me. Recovery has been difficult, It is tough getting your lifeback when your self is the thing you have lost. What I am learnig the most is not to define mself by the illness. I am many things besides being bipolar, and I want to pay attention to many things besides my mood,like music ,books, childeren, family, friends and the things in life that make it worth living.I am tring to get back to myself and yet go beyond where I was before the onset of my last episode. Hopefully I'll get back to being me.