Battling Depression.

I am not a morning person. On the advice of my psychiatrist though, I have started getting up early (for me!) to take my medication. The best results from Invega are gained if taken in the morning and given the chance to work throughout the a.m. hours. It is a routine that I have found difficult to get accustomed to and is a recent addition to my medication regimen. The downer is that it is a daily reminder that I have bipolar disorder and have to take a handful of pills in order to get and stay well. So, in an effort to outwit myself and attain a more positive attitude I have devised some tactics to make life work for me in this area.

I wouldn't say I am a positive person by nature either. I tend to look at problems and circumstances in a pessimistic manner. I need to make an effort to pay attention to the good things in life that are happening around me. Depression can make this seem like a herculean task. It is all you can do to take a shower and get ready for the day let alone engage. So when I fight depression, I MUST focus on the moment. I can't handle bipolar disorder in it's entirety, with all it's complications. I can however mange my illness hour by hour day by day. The day is broken down into moments and although it is an effort I MUST stay in the present. One of the ways I have attempted to do this is to have an attitude of gratitude. It is hard to let your mind go to the negative when you are focusing on your blessings. So armed with this outlook, I start the day, and remind myself that I am lucky to have meds that work and that fight my proclivity to look on the dark side of things.

After taking my medications, I spend a short amount of time reflecting on the day before. It puts my today in context and reminds me of the accomplishments of yesterday. It propels me forward. To face the day, I make my to do list and include simple goals that I know I can attain, (albeit with some effort!). My list ranges from taking a shower to engaging with a loved one in a meaningful conversation. The point is to set up a road map for the day with goals that I know I can achieve. It builds a track record for success that I can look at the next day and sustain my hope and momentum.

Depression is a motivation killer. When you are depressed you can't summon enough energy to brush your teeth let alone engage with those around you. The ability to speak, of my feelings or anything else, is the first thing to go when I am depressed. I just can't summon up the strength to participate in life. I have had to learn to force myself into that participation. My friends and family help tremendously in this effort. They point out the good things in life and by example give me a model on how to take it day by day. For instance a friend of mine posted a picture of a lily the other day. It was gorgeous and breathtaking in it's simplicity. I carried the image with me throughout the day, and reminded myself that if life had so much beauty in it to enjoy, why not engage?


I don't make any apologies for borrowing the strength and hope of others when I am depressed. Those who are well show me a way in the darkness. They remind me that I have survived thus far and will continue to survive whatever life throws my way. If I approach life this way armed with an attitude of gratitude I believe I can win my battle with bipolar disorder. So, I fight on armed with my tools for living. I thank God for today and look forward to tomorrow having learned from
the mistakes of yesterday. I am determined not to let this illness win. I believe.