So how have I come to a place of wellness? Basically I took steps to combat my symptoms and adhered to a plan to get better. First and foremost I developed a relationship with my doctor. I adhered to a complex medication regimen and hung in there until we found a combination that worked. After experiencing my worst and longest episode that included a 9 month hospitalization, I gave my brain time to heal. Healing was grounded in the foundation of medicine.
Secondly I was not ashamed to reach out for help. The belief that I was a burden was dispelled by the love and encouragement of family and friends. I made no apologies for borrowing on their strength and hope.
Therapy has helped but nothing has been as effective as doing a fearless inventory of my life and being willing to change. This was the hardest part for me. Yes I am bipolar but I also have character issues that needed changing and demanded action. The thing that needed changing the most was my state of mind. I was lost in my grief over my diagnosis and the effects it had on my sons. Letting go of that grief and moving forward is the hardest thing I have ever done. I needed to stop wallowing in my pain, acknowledge it and then let it go. It was time to get busy living!
Faith has played a critical role in my recovery. For a long time I was cautious about spirituality because bipolar disorder has a feature of religious grandiosity. I didn't talk about my faith because I didn't want to be perceived as a religious "nut". Now however, I realize that if grounded in humility, a belief in God can be strong medicine. I believe that God suffers with us, and is there even in our darkest moments. I have experienced Him restoring my sanity and leading me on a path to wellness.
Time that was lost to mental illness is now being redeemed, and my sons have become an integral part of my life. Now that they are adults they chose to be very present. We acknowledge the impact mental illness has had, but are moving on despite bipolar disorder. My grief has been replaced by relationships, and the primary source of my depression has lifted.
Depression may return, mania may occur again because bipolar disorder is a chronic illness. I realize that I have life-long illness and there may be relapses into symptoms. Well, my attitude is so be it. I am putting into place new strategies for fighting mental illness and am willing to fall back on the medical community for help. Diet, exercise, mindfulness and therapy are becoming critical parts of my daily living. My activities of daily living go beyond just taking my meds. I am not afraid of another episode, I am ready and prepared.
Although mental illness was something I was ashamed of for many years, it has now become a positive in my journey. It has taught me lessons of perseverance, patience and given me a compassion for others locked in the struggle for a meaningful life in the presence of a chronic illness. I believe that bipolar disorder can be managed, and with an attitude of gratefulness and hope can be overcome!
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