Where is God?

Talking about religion is tricky, especially if you are mentally ill. Religious grandiosity is a definite feature of bipolar disorder and religious themes can dominate episodes of the illness. So it is with great care that I bring up the topic of faith and God.

Faith is an important part of my life. I don't know how I could have survived this long without the beliefs I espouse. I believe God is with us when we suffer. I also believe He can be known, bringing meaning and well-being into a person's life. Just because these beliefs get distorted and exaggerated in a manic state does not make them any less true.

After a manic episode and the experience of religious grandiosity I usually return to my faith gradually and with much fear and trepidation. I don't want to talk about God and be perceived as out of touch with reality, so I keep quiet. Eventually though, I realize that there is a void in my life if I ignore spirituality and the presence of a loving God.


During my last episode, I was hospitalized for 9 long months. Faith was far away and doubt and delusions dominated my thinking. How could God possibly have anything to do with such a state? The answer I believe is that He was there . God doesn't need our awareness to be present. He is who He is and reveals Himself as He sees fit. For me, the grace of God got me through that time and continues to follow me in my recovery.

So now I write to those suffering from the ravages of mental illness. I would encourage you to keep the faith, don't let disease ruin a good thing. Try to give grace a chance to enter into your journey and humbly accept God's help.

Humbly is the key word here. It is my experience that religious grandiosity is characterized with a great deal of pride. In reality you are not a special messenger or a bearer of any new revelation. Once sanity returns you realize you are human like everyone else and you can return to a right relationship with God. As Solomon says in Proverbs, "After all, God is in heaven and you are here on the earth. So let your words be few."

It is my hope that all who live with a mental illness will experience the presence of a higher power. If you are interested in the role of faith, you can contact NAMI at nami.org and look into their faith based programs. Good luck on your journey!