Luckily I am stable this year and my medication is right. It has taken years to come up with the right combination. I take Invega, Lamictal, Aplenzin, and Effexor. All in different dosages at different times of the day. I also get a shot of Abilify every two months! It's a complicated combination but it has been effective in controlling my mood swings and keeping me out of the hospital.
Last night I went to my niece Jenna's play. The whole family went, and it was terrific. Because I am stable and not in the throes of a depression I was able to participate. That has not always been the case. I have spent many holiday family events in a bipolar fog, so dominated by my depression that it was hard to engage with the ones I love so dearly. The events themselves were an endurance test, mostly spent masking my mood and then feeling extremely guilty about my thoughts and actions afterwards.
This Christmas is so different from those trying times. There is a a lot going on! Jenna's play, Christmas preparations, a family Christmas eve dinner and the big day itself. My son Jake is also getting married in January so we are preparing for that as well. I don't think I could take being depressed this year. It would rip my heart apart to be sick for these special times. I am so grateful for wellness and am thankful that I have reached this point of stability in my recovery.
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| My humble place and tree! |
So what has it taken to recover from a major episode and reach stability in my mental illness? Lot's of interaction with my psychiatrist not only to get my meds right but to track my moods and address them before things got out of control. I listened to those around me who have encouraged and supported my road to wellness, even when It was difficult to listen. Also, therapy has helped me deal with the guilt, shame and frustration that comes with living with a major mental illness. It has taken a lot of hard work, love and support to get to this place. I am lucky to have lived through it and survived, some are not so fortunate.
If you or a loved one is having a hard time this time of year, please reach out and get the help you need. No one suffering from a mental illness should go it alone. Please call the National Suicide hotline at (1-800- 273-8255) if you are having difficulty coping. You can also contact NAMI, an excellent organization dedicated to the needs of the mentally ill. I know I keep repeating this plea in my blogs, but it is so important to seek and receive help!
Lastly, it is my hope that those who are suffering will find comfort and healing this holiday. There is hope for recovery and mental illness can be managed. I am living proof!!
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