La Quinta

There is a little town in the Southern California desert called La Quinta. My best friend lives there and to me it is one of the best places in the U.S. Right now I am on a trip here. Everyone who suffers from a mental illness should come to a place like this. The scenery is fantastic. Mountain coves surrounded with palm trees and flowers in abundance dominate the landscape . It makes you forget that you have an illness. Natures beauty gets you out of your head.

Those of us who do have a mental illness need a vacation from that illness every once in a while. I just cannot dwell on it. I don't want to aggravate depression and I don't 'want to make the mistake of escaping into into mania.  I need distractions.

Going to new places or favorite spots gets you out of any funk. Take the time, make the effort to get out of your routine and go somewhere else. You have plenty of time to deal with your illness . However it is equally important to give yourself a break. Go out and go forward to mental health!

Come on man!

A trip to the hospital is sometimes warranted in the journey of a mentally ill patient. When things spiral out of control,, a or depression gets so bad you lose your will to live a hospital visit should be a welcome reprieve from madness. In my experience some hospitals are not.

The first hospital I was in was a nightmare. Patients roamed round a great room in psychotic states .Some were in diapers ,some in restraints. It was unsettling ,frightening an did nothing to alleviate the psychological pain I was in . It made things worse because the environment was so bad. I blocked most of it out and continued to the next facility.

The second hospital I was in was even more horrible. I spent 6 months trying to survive in a place where madness  reigned. The smoke breaks were the only way to go outdoors. Patients acted out their psychotic behaviors . One man would get outdoors and continuously lick the ground. I couldn't take it and almost had another break down. Fortunately I had weekly visits from my parents. That and fierce determination and adherence to a treatment program got me out.

Yet ,really, why should it be this way. Every patient is lumped together regardless of the state they are in. Shouldn't they be separated according to functionality? I mean "come on man", isn't there a better way?

I believe there is a better way .There should be changes to the psych wards I was in.  Lock down is understandable but visits outside should be more frequent. There should be windows. Again , patients who are high functioning should have a place to heal that is separated from those who are highly symptomatic.

A place to heal is essential in the recovery process.
I wish the places that are frequented by the mentally ill were more humane. Reform has to happen or more people will slip through the cracks. Returning to reality and the world requires stability. There is no way this can happen in the current system.

calm cool and collected

Stability should be the goal of any manic depressive.Why it is not to some isn't a mystery to me.Face it the high of mania is intoxicating.Who does't want to feel on top of the world? Spending sprees are fun.Thinking big thoughts is empowering.Reality is a bummer.And for someone in a manic state it kills the high.But stability becomes very desirable when your world begins to unravel.Many of your thoughts  during an episode become, in the light of day , ridiculous.All that you did or said during the episode are open to scrutiny.In some cases mania leads to psychosis making all of your actions suspect.In my case I have experienced psychosis many times.Such breaks from reality are devastating.Time is lost as you spend months in the hospital.The first thing you have to do after a psychotic break is to reorient yourself with the world.Apologies need to be made to family and friends for your words and actions.Even though manic depression is not your fault,you blame yourself and cover yourself in shame.I so wished that over the years I had kept stability as my number one goal.The clean up after an episode is so monumental and as sick as you are,overwhelming. Why given all the negative aspects of an episode, all the lost time, all the exhausting work of picking up the pieces of your life,do manic depressives continue to cycle in and out of mania?? Again its a thrill.Stability is not a goal it is not a desirable state simply because it is what it is.It's constant,steadying,and true.Based in reality ,stability can be boring.But so what! It is preferable to the agony of trying to regain your life after an episode! Boring is a good thing if it helps you stay out of a hospital,keeps you on track and helps you maintain a life full of productivity.Stability should come first for anyone affected by mental illness.The longer the periods of stability the better Be boring.It's your saving grace.

getting back in the groove

After a bipolar episode it is hard to get your life back.I was in the hospital for 9 months.When I came out I still wasn't well.It has taken 2 years to get my meds straight,find a place to be and find a new purpose in life.The bottom line is it took time for me to heal.Moving forward is the next step and eventually I will get my groove back.Tte best eay to get back in the swing of things is to follow the basic rules of mental health.Accept your diagnosis,see a psychiatrist consistently, and above all take your meds! Once you solvw the basic issues of rebounding from an episode you must then renew your confidence.This is a toughie!After an episode your confidence is usually shot and your self esteem is at a all time low. Basically you are embarrassed that you had one in the first place.(At least I was.) But to get busy with living you must have an expectation of good things happening.This expectation is fueled by confidence.So be gentle with yourself.Get back into your life slowly but surely.Hope a lot.To hope ypu must again have positive expetations.You cannot have a negative outlook.All you energy must be channeled into fighting for your life.An episode although devastating is temporary.You can get through it with faith and hope going forward.

chicken little

If you have a mental illness,you probably have a problem with negative thinking.You think "the sky is falling "  because it has in the past,often in the form of  episodes of mania of depression.In depression ones view of the world is skewed.Everything is negative.There can be no solutions to lifes challenges because life is not seen as worth the living.We are always waiting for the other shoe to drop.Mania is a totally different state,Euphoria ,rapid thinking and grandiosity make your view go out of wack.Reality is a bummer and often reality checks are unwelcome.Reality kills the high.But  mania has its consequences.Spending sprees must be paid for,actions accounted for and apologies made for things said and done.It is exhausting to be bipolar,and when we are tired,negativity reigns. So what to do? I think your first move is to make peace with the fact that you have a chronic illness.Its going to take a lot to manage the disorder but it possible..Stay positive.Although you are diagnosed with a tedious disease,you can make your life work.With medication,health professionals and friends and family to lend support,. you have a chance at a life beyond mental illness.Rather than waiting for the sky to fall you can practice thinking positive . It's going to take time to train yourself to expect positive outcomes.Negativity is easy to slip into .Even more so when depressed or pulling yourself up from a manic or depressive episode.However it is worth the effort. Staying positive can be a buffer to thinking that keeps you stuck in your illness.You must cling to hope instead of fear or bipolar disorder will win the day.You must be confident that the fight can be won, that the outcome will be positive and the sky will be nothing but a beautiful blue







 

When diagnosed with a mental illness the first question that pulsed through my mind was "Why!?". I just could not believe thatI had manic depresssive illness and God had not protected me.Why oh why my heart cried! I had believed in a loving God since chidhood and now I questioned His abilities.If God is the manager of all things,how had He so grossly mismanaged my case? Why does God allow suffering.And although greater minds have grappled with these questions ,I needed to find answers for mysef.If I had a chronic life-long illnes, how was I to reconcile this with a lifelong faith in the divine?I must admit that my answer to many questions is "I don't know" But I have some thoughts on the subject.
     God is not the author of suffering.He is a loving God who aides us in our time of troubleSo where do these midnight's of the soul come from? The answer here is an I don't know . what I do know is that,perhaps,difficult times are a vehicle to bring us even closer to God. Perhaps they teach us humility,patience and reliance on a power greater than ourselves.I believe God never promised us an easy road ,but the strength to walk it with Him at our side.

getting it right.

After an extended stay at a hospital the first thing I wanted to do was take a walk.I had missed being outdoors and moving! I never want to have to return to the hospital again.This time I want to get it right.There are basic steps one must take to insure wellness. The following are some of those steps:
   1) Take your meds! Always ytake the right dose at the right time for an extended period of time.Never go
        off your meds or do anything with your medication routine without the advice and consent of your
        doctor
    2) Take your psychiatrist seriously.Hey, their advice is why they make the big bucks!Make sure you keep
         your appointments and follow their counsel.Don't try to call the shots when it comes to medication.
    3) See a licenced therapist. It's important to talk to a trained proffessional about what you are gong
         through.Talking it out is vital to recovery.I know it has saved my life to be able to work things out in a
         theraputic setting.
     4) Seek support! Go to a support group! You are not  alone and in  a support group you will fing those
         who experince and struggle like you do.Also enlist the support of family and friends. Resources such
          as NAMI and DBSA can help those in your life get educated about mental illness and be in a better
          postion to help you.
      5) Take courage! You are in a batttle for your life. The one thing you can not take is a courage pill.
           You can however look to your resources to help you summon it up. Family, friends, doctors,
            organizations such as NAMI all are there to give you the will to press on. There is so much to live
           for! In the throes of mental illness this notion may be hard to embrace ,But once again I quote Kay
           Jamison,"Look to th living ,love them,and hold on."