Breakfast....

Today was a big day. It started out with breakfast with my mom and sister. For 2 hours we sat in a Newport beach cafe' and talked and talked.  For the first time in a long time I was able to participate without escaping into my own head. What's more, I didn't want to escape. I enjoyed the moment! What a relief it e was to be engaged. When I "run Silent" it is excruciating.  When depressed I get quiet, very quiet! Not only is it evident to those around me, but it is also something I notice myself .  I notice how uncomfortable I am with not saying anything. I notice how distant and removed I am from the conversation. I am in another place, locked in my own brain.

 No doubt this accomplishment is due in part to a med change. I am feeling so much better and am seeing improvement week to week. However I did try a new trick for breakfast this morning. What I did was beforehand, imagined the conversations that might take place and practice my responses to them. I also thought about what I might say. What would I "Bring to the table. Not only did it work it gave me the confidence to trust my ability to engage, even if it did take a little work.

Having bipolar illness IS hard work. I truly believe it is worth the effort though. Living is hard work for all of us, regardless of a mental illness or not. Living is especially sweet when you do have a mental illness and manage it with a few tricks up your sleeve. Today was a good day. Thank God, here's to more!